Posted by Katrina Kaczmarek on January 1, 2013
Life doesn’t often go as we plan.
This is a hard lesson to learn, and fortunately for the lucky few, plans go unaltered. However, I have learned in the past year (or two) that plans can fall apart. I have also learned that when they fall apart as they inevitably do, there you still stand holding the pieces of a shattered plan.
Sometimes you think something should kill you, and it doesn’t. Sometimes you think things will destroy you, and they don’t. When you don’t die and drift off into that peaceful sleep you wonder, “What Now?”
Standing there holding the pieces of a shattered plan the choices are endless. Some choices will take you down easier paths, and others will take you down paths of thorns and struggle. But now; you are older, and you are wiser and your choices more premeditated.
You hope for soft downy turf and you jump, but this time with eyes a bit more open. You pray to God that they are open enough, and you pray to God that you have learned enough for this one lifetime, “Ease Up!” you say and He smiles looking back at you saying, “Dear, you had a say in all of this, so follow the path less trodden, and look for the downy turf, you are now more Awake!” And having gotten that empty answer that is always more of a question, you know the kind God asks; You sigh and you turn and continue because until you take that last breath apparently you have work to do and paths to cross.
I don’t want to forget how I spent my last day in 2012 so I am blogging. All of my plans fell apart two years ago. Actually they started falling apart about four years ago, but the process of truly burying the last remaining bit of my life plans took a good four years. I am not one bit sorry to say goodbye to 2012 and move on into 2013, however, I must say, even given the remarkable mess that my life became; while in the dark I had moments of light.
This year I finished my cancer treatment. I finished my reconstruction in August, and then finished it again after a weeklong hospital stay in October due to a staff infection. This year my divorce was finalized in March. This year I went back to teaching, and this year I have been learning to be single again.
Tonight as I ring in 2013 without the children because it isn’t my turn, I am going to enjoy the moments. Today I had lunch with a friend, and another friend offered to head out for a glass of champagne tonight. Today, I am experimenting in the kitchen. I am trying to make my own Champagne sangria, and I am experimenting with candied bacon, my new favorite HOLIDAY ONLY treat.
I am listening to music, and looking at my Christmas trees, and enjoying the day. Because I will never forget that plans change, so why make yourself crazy with them? Move on, and remember to enjoy the moment!
Hugs, and Happy New Year!!!!