Posted by Katrina Kaczmarek on June 15, 2012
I don’t need you to tell me, “Life is not fair.” I am living life is not fair. I am fully aware that life is not fair. It might make you feel better to tell me life is not fair, but it makes me feel worse. Believe me, I know life is not fair!
I do not need to hear that everything will be fine. I do not need to hear that getting a new job will make everything better and improve my finances. I do not need to hear, buck up it will all be o.k. In fact, things suck, and telling me such things only makes you feel better.
Words such as these are an empty balm; they provide no comfort.
I am in fact juggling balls, they are all in the air, and I am hanging on by a thread. Telling me to fix my situation and stand up, only tells me you don’t wish to help, you just want your own comfort.
Telling me it is not o.k. to hate life and people right now because it’s not nice to the people who have been nice to me during cancer, is just ridiculous. Go ahead; try and fight cancer, divorce, pill withdrawal and much more, and then try feeling all nice and happy. Try loving life and people in that situation and then we can talk.
People in pain don’t want you to tell them to get better. They don’t want you to tell them everything is fine. They don’t want to hear they are lucky or better off being left and divorced. It makes me want to laugh. You really want me to say, “Yes you are right, I am so lucky!” People in pain don’t want to hear; buck up baby, life is not fair. People in pain want compassion, empathy, understanding, and when possible help. Otherwise, shut up.
If you ask me how I am, mean it, because the answer might make you uncomfortable. If you have wanted to be my friend and have expected something other than honesty, you are looking for friends in the wrong places. It is not my job to make you feel better by pretending that everything is o.k. when it is very clearly not!