Posted by Katrina Kaczmarek on June 26, 2012
I realize that I have been gone a few days. I have been having a seriously un-fun pity party. Vacation is great, but seeing all the happy couples, and father’s playing with their children at the beach is a bit heart wrenching. It is really o.k. because I am on an I HATE MEN kick, which my mother hopes to see resolved soon. I can’t promise anything though, because most of the peacocks I see here down at the beach are just that, total cocks. Is it really all about bragging rights? I do this yadda yadda. I do that yadda yadda. I make this yadda yadda. I made that yadda yadda. Ugh.
Don’t get me wrong, I hate the mushy ones too. Double UGH! I don’t want some guy that cuddles with his mother, or is having his own sort of desperation party. Believe me, if I am anything, one thing I am NOT is desperate.
My mother prays it is a phase. Apparently she has seen women divorced in bad situations like me and has seen some never recover. She claims to have actually seen some turn gay just to get away from the hated men in general. I think she is a bit nutty on this fact, but oh well. She suffers because I suffer, and I promise I won’t go and turn gay or anything (I wish there was a good way to put an eye roll in here! ) Sometimes I wish I could just turn gay. I have gay friends and they are lovely men and women alike, but I don’t believe it is a choice sort of thing. I just can’t imagine making out with a girl. Not my cup of tea. Plus as far as I can see even the best of gay relationships are full of their own relationship problems, just like us heterosexuals. They are relationships after all, and that makes them open to problems in general. No one is really free as long as you want to be in any relationship. More and more I am feeling the desire to just go crawl in a hole and be alone.
Apart from the mother worrying about me hanging on to my heterosexuality, and my occasional gut wrenching view of a father having fun with his kids and wife, I am having a lovely time at the beach. I definitely needed a break. Thank you to my wonderful family, who makes sure I get breaks, even when I couldn’t make them happen on my own.
Anyway, I feel rather funny tonight, I hope I was really funny, and it wasn’t just the wine and the magnum (chocolate ice cream heaven)! Laugh away, and pray with my mother that I don’t hate men forever!