Posted by Katrina Kaczmarek on May 22, 2012
What to do with this life I have been given? That is the question.
I am working on getting bags out of Cambodia (which can take awhile), and I am working on my healing gemstone jewelry. I want to get my pieces on Amazon, so photography is my next endeavor. I made a makeshift white photo box for myself today, but the pictures weren’t quite right for Amazon. I think I may need to break down and purchase some sort of photoshop program for the Amazon background rules.
I am getting ready to go back to teaching this fall, and I am working on getting some tutoring gigs together for the fall. I have a class to take this summer for teaching in the Catholic Schools, and so I am on a summer camp hunt during my class times.
It seems I am in the middle of a slow climb of do. I have talked often about being versus doing. Well, I am still trying to be, but it seems like I am in the middle of slow do. When I say slow, I mean, it sometimes feels like it is never going to happen. It feels like the dreams on my board, and the dreams in my head are taking forever to come to fruition. I know that they are there. I know that they are real, and we have just yet to see the manifestation. It is the knowing that keeps one foot moving in front of the other. Even in the knowing I sometimes have my doubts. God is this right? Is this the way to go? Why do I still feel pain? Why do I still feel loss? I guess that is the challenge of being human.
I actually cried today in the parking lot of a best buy. I am currently working with two computers, because I have no idea how to work with pictures on one of them. Anyway, the one that I adjust pictures on just completely died. A few months ago I bought the Tech Support insurance for this computer, and apparently it fails to cover this new problem, so it is caput, done and over. Thank God for the second computer, and the learning curve, that will now need to speed up. However, it was just one of those break down moments where you think, are you here God, where are you? I need something to happen! However, He is probably looking at me and thinking, no you want it to happen you NEED, these lessons and these moments.
Why are they so hard, why is the climb so slow? Is it because I need to appreciate the view at the top? I hope so. I had a couple of break down moments this past weekend. Mostly related to kid sharing and drop off/ pick up moments. It just sometimes seems like everyone else has it all together, and I am here moving slowly through the molasses of creation.
Oh well, here’s to molasses, and my moments in the thick of the slow doing. It sure is making me remember to slow down and appreciate the small things. Today, on my errands I was running around with Kenny. He spends all of his days with me when he isn’t in his little few hour pre-school. Also he is out for the summer. So Kenny looked at me as we were walking out of a t-shirt shop where I am having shirts made for the Scottsdale Choir and Orchestra kids and he said, “Mom, I am having such a nice day with you!” I squeezed his hand and remembered to Thank God for these tiny moments that pass too quickly. In that second I was thankful for the molasses, and the slowing of moments that won’t return!
Happy Loving and Sitting! ☺