Posted by Katrina Kaczmarek on May 4, 2012
A friend asked me the other day, “What are your goals and dreams?” I can’t remember the last time someone asked me that question, and really wanted to hear the answer. I had to sit and really think about it because they are so changed and morphed that they are hardly recognizable.
First of all, cancer gave me a great gift regarding my dreams. Cancer loosened my grip on my dreams and goals. Cancer made me realize that all I have in reality is today. Talking about what will be going on four years from now is essentially a waste of time, because none of us have a clue where we will be four years from now. So I have dreams, but my ties to them and their forms are very loosely bound.
For example, I would love to own my own business (which I now do) and I would love for it to take off and support me and my children (which I am still working on). However, the tie to the type of business is loose. I am open to the possibilities of what it will become over time. I am open to the form it will take.
I would love to write a book or books. However, I am open to the possibilities of the form they will take. I have ideas and dreams for them, but I am not against their forms changing over time.
One dream is tightening. One dream keeps coming back to smack me. I feel so little right now. I feel like I am climbing around in muck trying to just find the bricks with which to build my dream. I am no longer interested in a house of cards. The foundation I now seek takes time, and so I feel as if I am moving through molasses. One dream that hasn’t changed and has even tightened is my dream to make a difference. I have been very open to the possibilities of that dream. I have become comfortable with the idea that even if I only make a difference to one person that will be o.k. And so I have started with my children. I want to make a difference to them, and I think that I am doing that to the best of my ability on a daily basis.
However, tonight I found my tears, and my goose bumps, and my dreams for an even larger difference. I haven’t really cried in a while. I have been quite numb actually, and rather than cry through the pain of divorce and new girlfriends I have been numbing it with food! But tonight I really cried. I saw this video on YouTube by LZ& and Matt Redman. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0L7NH48BWE&feature=related My sister posted it at a very serendipitous time when I was feeling sorry for myself, and now I am feeling rejuvenated and excited about my ideas and dreams. I am feeling like my problems are really very small indeed!
I want to do anything I can to help these women who have suffered the sex trafficking market. There are more slaves in the world today than there have ever been in the past, and the majority of them are young female sex slaves. Sex is a beautiful thing, and these women have been beaten manipulated, bought, and trafficked and had it turned into something so ugly. It is sad that some of the greatest gifts God gave us as humans have the ability to be turned into one of the cruelest weapons. They always say the more powerful you are the greater good or evil you can do. It is the same with our gifts. Sex is a beautiful gift if used properly. It is a terrible tragedy if it is abused. Never forget, Satan was the prettiest angel. Sex is one of the greatest things two people in love can share, but used wrongly it falls.
About a month ago a man left for Cambodia, with specifications for a bag I wanted to have made by women rescued from Human Trafficking. In his possession he had my bag specifications, and my logo. That bag is on its way to my house right now. I can’t wait to see it, and I can’t wait to offer it as part of my chemotherapy and radiation care kits. When you buy one of my bags you will be keeping a woman in Cambodia employed and out of sex trafficking and you will be sending a needed thoughtful gift to a cancer patient at the same time. This is my dream. This is what I want to do. I want to help other women in whatever way I can.
The other day I got an e-mail for a job opening at a well-known medical device company. It would be a great fit, and it would pay better than teaching part time, and working on a start-up. However, when I saw that e-mail, I looked at it, and heard God say, “What do you REALLY WANT KATRINA! The choice is yours.” I want to make a difference. I am looking for the bricks, and I am mixing the cement, and the house I build will stand strong. It will not fall in the wind. It will not leak in the rain. The women I help to rescue will rest in that strong house with me and my kids, and all the others who join me on this journey!
Happy Loving and Sitting! :-)