Posted by Katrina Kaczmarek on May 9, 2012
I saw my therapist today. It was really good. We were talking about attachment vs. detachment. Apparently, I will be totally detached when I completely don’t care about or am unaffected by my ex-husbands new dates/girlfriends. I already feel like I don’t care and am unaffected, but my therapist seems to think that I can’t even ask or be curious (in other words I can’t or won’t want to jab when I see him). I really feel unaffected, but until I am also un-curious apparently I am not completed detached. On a good note, I am doing all the right things to become detached, and I am on my way there. Whoo Hoo! This is a good thing, considering we are already divorced. I want to move on and create a new life. I honestly have such a wonderful time when I am with my kids.
One other thing that my therapist and I went over was my falling apart when I am not with the children. For some reason on weekends when I don’t have the children, things seem to fall apart for a bit. The house gets more messy than usual, I eat more, and I drink more, and I lose sight of my purpose. My therapist thinks it is because I am definitely defined by motherhood. Not that this is a bad thing at all, but right now I have nothing else to cling to, so when I don’t have the kids I flounder a bit because I don’t have any other job except for my business which is in such early stages I don’t make any income yet. I am going back to my high school next year half time. I am going to teach the three dual enrollement (college credit) anatomy/physiology classes. I am really excited, because this will create a more steady scheduale for me, and I will also have time to continue working on my business.
A good friend asked me and Kenny to go to the Science Museum yesterday, and she thought the same. We both thought that teaching part time when Kenny goes to kindergarten would be a good idea.
I hiked with another beautiful friend this morning. She is soooo in shape, and she puts up with me puffing behind her as we climb the hill. I can’t thank her enough. I haven’t really worked out much through treatment, and it is time for me to try and get back in shape. It is so nice to work out with her, and have someone to talk to while doing it!
Still I would not trade this past year for anything. If someone told me I had to fight cancer all over again to re-gain this year I would say, “o.k.” This year home with Kenny, and being able to pick McKinley up right after school has been something I have appreciated every second of. I am so happy to be spending and to have spent this year before kindergarten with my son, and the entire year with my third grader. I can’t even describe how amazing it has been! In ways I can’t even begin to describe cancer has blessed me. I would never wish this battle on anyone else, and yet there are things I would not have enjoyed were it not for this dread disease. Thank You God for letting me beat the monster, and for letting me enjoy each and every moment of the fight and beyond!
Happy Loving and Sitting! ☺