Posted by Katrina Kaczmarek on May 18, 2012
For the past week or so my son has been telling me he wants to eat bugs.
I know I told you all about a diet that all the English royalty are on, and for awhile I did it, but I decided that I need more fruits and vegetables in my diet being a cancer patient. I also wanted something less drastic. So instead, I decided to eat one raw meal a day. I figure one raw meal ups my vegetables and fruits, and is not too drastic to practice. I also decided to include the kids to up their fruits and vegetable intake. After about four days Kenny declared that he didn’t like eating raw he really wanted to start eating bugs instead. It was his dream to emulate the olden days (you know the days when they used to eat bugs).
So on car trips we were talking about bugs. I had heard on a documentary that termites taste like peanuts. I never really thought I would have the opportunity to feed my child bugs, but he sure kept talking about it.
I have a friend in town, so we were tooling around Old Town Scottsdale today because he has never seen the area. In one of the stores (I kid you not!) they were selling all kinds of flavored properly cleaned and packaged bugs! They had barbecue worms, cheddar cheese worms, hot pepper crickets, and sour cream and onion crickets. I was ecstatic! I immediately bought a bag of the sour cream and onion crickets. If I were going to eat a bug, I would definitely want sour cream and onion.
This evening I started cooking a pasta dinner, but I told Kenny that this was for McKinley because I had a special dinner for him! When dinner was served, Kenny had a bowl of sour cream and onion crickets, and McKinley had pasta (to start). McKinley was grossed out, but Kenny was amazed and in utter disbelief that I had found actual eatable bugs for dinner. With bits of trepidation and trembling, HE ATE A BUG! Upon giving it a few thoughts and a few chews, he quickly declared that he did not in fact enjoy bugs, and so I served him the bowl of pasta I had set aside for him.
I am proud of Kenny. He said he wanted to do something, he has been saying it for days in fact. When he was actually offered the opportunity to give it a try, he jumped in and tried! You go little Boy!!!!!
Happy Loving and Sitting! ☺
Posted by Katrina Kaczmarek on May 16, 2012
Remember when I said I wanted backyard poultry for the eggs? Well someone out in the Universe heard me, and I now get a magazine dedicated to those families that raise chickens in their backyards. Ironically it is called backyard poultry.
I took some time to really give the magazine a good look before posting about it, and I must say, there are some really amazing chicken stories. One amazing entrepreneurial teenager is working to save for college with all the eggs she sells from her flock of hens. Apparently having a backyard chicken was a dream of hers for years and years. Finally her mom broke down and gave her a hen. Well the rest is history my friends. Not only does she have a much bigger flock today, but also she actually makes money with her prize-winning hens.
Today however, I decided that I might not be cut out for backyard animals. The other day my daughter informed me that there was a dead lizard in a flowerpot out back. I was in the middle of something, and forgot all about the dead lizard, until Kenny came in the house today waiving something in my face. Yes, it was that dried out dead lizard that must have literally fried himself in my empty flowerpot. Kenny thought it was hilarious, I thought not so much! So after I made him throw the lizard away and wash his hands he went right back out to play. Not even ten minutes later he came in telling me of the dead bird he found out by the back of the fence. At this tidbit of information I freaked. Birds are quite dirty and I was worried he might have touched it! Thank goodness he had told me about it before picking it up and dragging it into the house. Upon inspection yes there was in fact a dead bird out by the back fence.
So maybe animals aren’t cut out to live in my backyard. Kenny brought home a birdhouse he made from school a few weeks ago, and today we finally filled it with birdseed and placed it outside our family room window. Bird visitors beware, I hope you stay safe and prosper!
Happy Loving and Sitting! 
Posted by Katrina Kaczmarek on May 15, 2012
What is the calm before the storm? Is it the calm before my business takes off, or is it a calm that I don’t remember prior to the divorce? No idea?
Things seem calm now. I am sending out 4 bracelets tomorrow, and I sold two yesterday where I had complete artistic freedom, which was awesome! But, I don’t know?
I am waiting for the guy from the Cambodia trip to get back to me regarding the bags, I am waiting for the jewelry to start moving faster, and I am waiting for the scarves to move faster. I am working on my paperwork for teaching part time this year, and I am working on the paperwork for the University where my students will receive dual enrollment.
What does all this tell me. LEARN PATIENCE! It tells me HE is working, but in the time that we required HIM to create things take time. I need to be patient and realize that the orders will come ( they are in face coming, just slowly ) and the ideas will keep coming along with the bags. Pray for me people. I have ideas. I want to work for HIM. I am ready and waiting and working in the meantime. I have faith, and I trust, and in the meantime I am learning patience.
Happy Loving and Sitting!
Posted by Katrina Kaczmarek on May 14, 2012
What a joy! To be a Mother! I wasn’t a girl who had plans to have all kinds of children, or ever really dreamed of being a mother, and yet it is one of the greatest blessings of my life that I am a mother. I always assumed I would have children, but when my first arrived, we weren’t really planning for her we were just trying to be good Catholic family planners.
However, what a joyful surprise! I won’t lie. That first nine months was rough! We were so tired. She never slept. I think it was due to my inability to let her. I was such a nervous new mother. I checked on her constantly, always checking on her breathing, and worried for her.
Eventually though she slept through the night. She is the most wonderful daughter I can possibly imagine. She is my treasure.
Four years later I was blessed with the most wonderful son. This year has been extremely special for the two of us. This year as I finished up all of my cancer treatments, I was blessed to be a stay at home mom with my children. My son attended a small preschool three days a week, and the rest of the time he has been with me. He has been with me since my diagnosis, and I must say he is my hero.
It is these two children who through it all, through all the pain and trials of this past few years have kept me going. They have helped keep my attitude positive and my spirit shining. They have given me a reason to get up every morning even when I felt so bad. The have given me a reason to live. They are my reasons to love. They are my greatest educators in the practice of unconditional love.
Today they honored me with their good morning kisses, and with their coupon books for chores. Today they honored me by holding my hand and talking with me about the subjects important to the young. Today they needed me, and gave me the opportunity to love those who can really do very little for me. For the measure of a man is how he treats those who can do nothing for him.
Let the little children come! Thank you God for giving me the gifted title Mother!
Happy Loving and Sitting! ☺
Posted by Katrina Kaczmarek on May 12, 2012
Yesterday would have been my ten year anniversary (if I were still married). Crazy!!! I thought about it a few days ago, but didn’t even realize it yesterday morning until my ex-husband dropped the kids off and mentioned it was May 11th.
I have decided to coin the day my unniversary, and so yesterday was my first unniversary. It was great!
I didn’t necessarily expect for it to be great when I woke up but as it turned out God had wonderful plans in store for the day that were prepared awhile ago just to fill up my calendar.
In the morning I was fortunate to attend a Mother’s Day Tea sponsored by a wonderful philanthropic organization called Mother’s Grace. I have mentioned them in a past blog, and I do so again today, because if you are looking for a good donation this group does some wonderful things. They help mothers in need immediately with financial stresses in crisis. The will jump in and pay utilities, health care costs and help with other needs when crisis hits a family. They also offer four grants a year to women out there trying to make a difference through their own companies.
The tea was fabulous and the setting pristine nestled at the foot of Camelback mountain. The auction items were amazing. I didn’t win, but I enjoyed sipping champagne and visiting with friends while listening to a speech on the need for more CHD research.
After the tea, I headed to McDonalds for the weekly Friday play date with Kenny and his friends. We moved to McDonalds this week, because the kids are crazy for the spy toys! I had a wonderful time at McDonalds visiting with some great friends while the kids played and enjoyed the afternoon together.
The day ended with a trip down to Victoria Secrets where I was chosen as an adopted mom to spoil for Mother’s Day. Victoria Secrets chose 11 cancer survivor/patient moms to spoil. We were given gift cards to the store, lotions, perfumes, and other gift cards to enjoy around town. It was wonderful! We had the opportunity to share our stories with the associates, and I know that the room was full of brave women, and strong hearts, and beautiful stories.
I can’t think of a better way to have spent my first Unniversary. I know a door has closed, and it is o.k. I am just hanging in the hallway, because I know that as I type, cracks are beginning to show as other doors open. Sunlight is filtering through, and I can’t even imagine the beauty that awaits on the other side.
Happy Loving and Sitting!
Posted by Katrina Kaczmarek on May 11, 2012
My kids are upstairs playing in my clothes. They are supposed to be cleaning their rooms. They keep running out in different outfits trying to trick me into thinking they are someone else. I have yelled a few times put the clothes away, but with half a heart. As the giggles continue upstairs I am enjoying the giggles and thinking they are just clothes and they can hang them up when they are done.
A friend and I are having a debate or a discussion regarding ambition. I think that we both agree on the definition, the problem I have discovered is how do you decide what is really ambition versus dreams, and what to you demonstrates ambition. My ex-husband would have called me very ambitious when we married. I would have called me, stressed out and raw inside. Today I think that my ex would call me lazy, and I would call me happy and at peace. I have talked to people (my friend included) who think even today I am ambitious, but obviously there is at least one person who would probably argue that point.
So how do define ambition and how do you find it in someone. Define it however you want and find it however you want and it can be ripped from you in a minute. What if the ambitious you found gets sick? What if the ambitious you found loses everything on a bad bet? What if the ambitious you found decides on a different path? What if the ambitious you find decides to become a mother and total ambition changes?
The only real answer is unconditional Love! You need to love and to seek the soul regardless of current situations or images. Those are fleeting, the soul will last.
Tonight I am attending a party for a stage 4 breast cancer patient who has decided to stop treatment and just live out the rest of her life. What ambition can possibly be left? The ambition to be happy and to enjoy each and every moment that she has left! None of us know how much longer we have left. Time is fleeting. Love anyway. Live anyway. Give anyway.
Happy Loving and Sitting!
Posted by Katrina Kaczmarek on May 9, 2012
I saw my therapist today. It was really good. We were talking about attachment vs. detachment. Apparently, I will be totally detached when I completely don’t care about or am unaffected by my ex-husbands new dates/girlfriends. I already feel like I don’t care and am unaffected, but my therapist seems to think that I can’t even ask or be curious (in other words I can’t or won’t want to jab when I see him). I really feel unaffected, but until I am also un-curious apparently I am not completed detached. On a good note, I am doing all the right things to become detached, and I am on my way there. Whoo Hoo! This is a good thing, considering we are already divorced. I want to move on and create a new life. I honestly have such a wonderful time when I am with my kids.
One other thing that my therapist and I went over was my falling apart when I am not with the children. For some reason on weekends when I don’t have the children, things seem to fall apart for a bit. The house gets more messy than usual, I eat more, and I drink more, and I lose sight of my purpose. My therapist thinks it is because I am definitely defined by motherhood. Not that this is a bad thing at all, but right now I have nothing else to cling to, so when I don’t have the kids I flounder a bit because I don’t have any other job except for my business which is in such early stages I don’t make any income yet. I am going back to my high school next year half time. I am going to teach the three dual enrollement (college credit) anatomy/physiology classes. I am really excited, because this will create a more steady scheduale for me, and I will also have time to continue working on my business.
A good friend asked me and Kenny to go to the Science Museum yesterday, and she thought the same. We both thought that teaching part time when Kenny goes to kindergarten would be a good idea.
I hiked with another beautiful friend this morning. She is soooo in shape, and she puts up with me puffing behind her as we climb the hill. I can’t thank her enough. I haven’t really worked out much through treatment, and it is time for me to try and get back in shape. It is so nice to work out with her, and have someone to talk to while doing it!
Still I would not trade this past year for anything. If someone told me I had to fight cancer all over again to re-gain this year I would say, “o.k.” This year home with Kenny, and being able to pick McKinley up right after school has been something I have appreciated every second of. I am so happy to be spending and to have spent this year before kindergarten with my son, and the entire year with my third grader. I can’t even describe how amazing it has been! In ways I can’t even begin to describe cancer has blessed me. I would never wish this battle on anyone else, and yet there are things I would not have enjoyed were it not for this dread disease. Thank You God for letting me beat the monster, and for letting me enjoy each and every moment of the fight and beyond!
Happy Loving and Sitting! ☺
Posted by Katrina Kaczmarek on May 8, 2012
I went to a party with a bunch of breast cancer survivors and patients the other day. It was a wonderful celebration, but there were two women there whose husbands just left. One was actually moving out while she was at the party. The other woman’s husband had just moved out a week ago. I don’t get it! Why is it that if you are a woman that gets sick you are 80% more likely to have your husband leave? The statistics aren’t so glum for men that suffer illness. Women only leave ill husbands 20% of the time.
Don’t get me wrong there are the wonderful stories. The stories of people who come even closer together through the trials, and the stories of men taking really good care of sick and dying wives. I was at a funeral a few months ago for a young breast cancer patient, and her husband was (from what everybody said) an absolute doll (totally in love with and caring for her).
I don’t know why someone would decide to leave during one of the scariest times in their loved ones life. Yes, it may be hard to watch someone be sick, and it may be even harder to care for the changed loved one. The hardest might actually be watching them die. However, I still think I would want to be there.
I was watching one of Oprah’s new Master Class shows late last night. Anyway, I can’t remember the topic of the show, but I remember one story. A mother was with a sick and dying son. On the last day, they knew time was almost up. The mother crawled into the bed to hold him while he passed away. As the son looked up right before he died he said, “Oh Mom! It was so easy.” and peacefully passed away.
How can we miss out on such amazing moments because they will also be hard? Sick people want someone to hold their hands, to tell them that they are still beautiful, and to sit loving them even though it may be hard to watch the suffering and possibly the dying. Through the trial you too, the caregiver, lover, spouse, parent, or child will grow. You too will see the grace. You too will see the joy and share in the beautiful moments. If you run you will miss what may have been the greatest experience and moments of your life.
Happy Loving and Sitting! ☺
Posted by Katrina Kaczmarek on May 7, 2012
I have been through every emotion in the book within the past few days. On Friday it was pure joy/rapture, and excitement. My bags arrived from Cambodia. I have wanted to sell chemotherapy and radiation care kids, and I really wanted a nice and meaningful bag (one that you could carry even when finished with cancer treatment). Serendipity smiled on me when a dear friend introduced me to a man who could help. He is connected with programs in Cambodia where women rescued from human trafficking learn and use skills to make incomes supporting themselves and their families. Basically they fish or are taught to fish. He found me a group of women who make bags, and so my first two Hugs bags were born. They arrived from Cambodia last Friday. I cried and rejoiced all afternoon.
Saturday I was down, and I went to bed early, because I was just done. I was tired, hot, and didn’t feel like doing anything. I finally got up at about midnight, and turned on the air. I decided that if the house is so hot that you can barely move, and that it might not be the most productive testing of the outer limits of my tolerance to leave the air off. Although, I did find that I am very heat tolerant. I was becoming surprisingly tolerant of a high of 88 during the day and low of 83 in the morning in the house. When I got up to turn on the air last night the house was still at 87, and my tolerance test ended.
After the low day yesterday I woke up in a beautiful mood this morning. I wonder if it was the air? Probably! I skyped with a friend and then had brunch with a good friend and her daughter. Anyway, the rest of the day has just been relaxing. I am doing some laundry, cleaning the house, and catching up on old DVRed shows.
I am learning more and more that moods come and go, but I remain through it all. I was watching Oprah interview Depoc Chopra earlier, and he said, “I no longer react” Beautiful! I am working on that, no longer reacting, even when the mood and the moment are bad/low. Let’s see if I can get there! ☺ Again, dangerous request so, “God BE GENTEL PLEASE!!!!”
Happy Loving and Sitting! ☺
Posted by Katrina Kaczmarek on May 4, 2012
A friend asked me the other day, “What are your goals and dreams?” I can’t remember the last time someone asked me that question, and really wanted to hear the answer. I had to sit and really think about it because they are so changed and morphed that they are hardly recognizable.
First of all, cancer gave me a great gift regarding my dreams. Cancer loosened my grip on my dreams and goals. Cancer made me realize that all I have in reality is today. Talking about what will be going on four years from now is essentially a waste of time, because none of us have a clue where we will be four years from now. So I have dreams, but my ties to them and their forms are very loosely bound.
For example, I would love to own my own business (which I now do) and I would love for it to take off and support me and my children (which I am still working on). However, the tie to the type of business is loose. I am open to the possibilities of what it will become over time. I am open to the form it will take.
I would love to write a book or books. However, I am open to the possibilities of the form they will take. I have ideas and dreams for them, but I am not against their forms changing over time.
One dream is tightening. One dream keeps coming back to smack me. I feel so little right now. I feel like I am climbing around in muck trying to just find the bricks with which to build my dream. I am no longer interested in a house of cards. The foundation I now seek takes time, and so I feel as if I am moving through molasses. One dream that hasn’t changed and has even tightened is my dream to make a difference. I have been very open to the possibilities of that dream. I have become comfortable with the idea that even if I only make a difference to one person that will be o.k. And so I have started with my children. I want to make a difference to them, and I think that I am doing that to the best of my ability on a daily basis.
However, tonight I found my tears, and my goose bumps, and my dreams for an even larger difference. I haven’t really cried in a while. I have been quite numb actually, and rather than cry through the pain of divorce and new girlfriends I have been numbing it with food! But tonight I really cried. I saw this video on YouTube by LZ& and Matt Redman. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0L7NH48BWE&feature=related My sister posted it at a very serendipitous time when I was feeling sorry for myself, and now I am feeling rejuvenated and excited about my ideas and dreams. I am feeling like my problems are really very small indeed!
I want to do anything I can to help these women who have suffered the sex trafficking market. There are more slaves in the world today than there have ever been in the past, and the majority of them are young female sex slaves. Sex is a beautiful thing, and these women have been beaten manipulated, bought, and trafficked and had it turned into something so ugly. It is sad that some of the greatest gifts God gave us as humans have the ability to be turned into one of the cruelest weapons. They always say the more powerful you are the greater good or evil you can do. It is the same with our gifts. Sex is a beautiful gift if used properly. It is a terrible tragedy if it is abused. Never forget, Satan was the prettiest angel. Sex is one of the greatest things two people in love can share, but used wrongly it falls.
About a month ago a man left for Cambodia, with specifications for a bag I wanted to have made by women rescued from Human Trafficking. In his possession he had my bag specifications, and my logo. That bag is on its way to my house right now. I can’t wait to see it, and I can’t wait to offer it as part of my chemotherapy and radiation care kits. When you buy one of my bags you will be keeping a woman in Cambodia employed and out of sex trafficking and you will be sending a needed thoughtful gift to a cancer patient at the same time. This is my dream. This is what I want to do. I want to help other women in whatever way I can.
The other day I got an e-mail for a job opening at a well-known medical device company. It would be a great fit, and it would pay better than teaching part time, and working on a start-up. However, when I saw that e-mail, I looked at it, and heard God say, “What do you REALLY WANT KATRINA! The choice is yours.” I want to make a difference. I am looking for the bricks, and I am mixing the cement, and the house I build will stand strong. It will not fall in the wind. It will not leak in the rain. The women I help to rescue will rest in that strong house with me and my kids, and all the others who join me on this journey!
Happy Loving and Sitting! :-)
Bugs for Dinner!
